When someone sat us down and said “hey, you like France, half of you speaks French, do you want to move there and plant a church?” they didn’t also add “any good at DIY?”
Ok so I suppose a bit of DIY, or in its simplest form, flat-pack-assembly, goes hand-in-hand with moving house. However, add a small factor of having to buy, build, and bemoan missing parts in another language and you’ve got potential for disaster (as well as plenty of gems for a blog).
Let’s be honest, when it comes to any form of DIY or basically anything technical-y, build-y or car-y, Roger and I just aren’t blessed to think that way. For GCSE Resistant Materials my wonky CD rack gained me a D (I mean how hard is a CD rack to make, and mine was basically just some shelves…hence the D I suppose). Here are some of our recent DIY/flat-pack adventures:
- The Banister
This wasn’t so much putting together as pulling apart…my first journey down the stairs on my toosh saw our lime green banister leave the wall as I grabbed it on my way down. Some may say this was a cunning way of trying to get the landlord to put in a new, less garish coloured, banister. However, a nice man came and just re-attached it to the wall. Better luck next time George.
- The Washing Machine
Thankfully delivered and fully installed. This consisted of them plugging it in and shoving a tube down an existing tube…I’m sure I could have done that! Ahem.
- The Oven
Also delivered and put into its prepared hole (the removal of a drawer and kitchen cupboard – we were pretty pleased with ourselves). Upon delivery we were then told that there was no socket near enough into which it could be plugged into and using an extension cable is illegal. Pants! 2 weeks later a new friend from the Anglican Church, who also doubles up as an electrician, fitted a new cable which does reach the plug. Oven now in use although the instructions say the cupboard should be lined with some heat-proof adhesive…now hoping cupboard doesn’t melt.
- The Kitchen Shelving Units
I made these meself…oh yeah! With the whizzy drill and everything! I thank ya!
- The Billys
Yes thank you Ikea for coming up with such bizarre names for book shelves although Mim is very proud to tell everyone “I helped buy Billys”. Four shelving units bought….2 put up correctly. Nuts!
- The Beast
The Wardrobe, aka the Beast. Before we started building we went through all the 30 odd different screws, gizmos, wheely-bobs (technical term given; en français? Les Bobettes-roulants!) and bits to make sure we had everything. We did not. Back to the shop we go where we were presented with a mahoozive box of gubbins to look through to find our missing fangles. One found, others ordered. Building began. It went pretty well…for a while….then we realised we were missing another didgery. Back to the shop, box shuffled through and parts found. Building recommenced. Despite the hugeness of the Beast we put together the main body, tacked on the back and heaved it up ready to put in the shelves. BUT none of the holes lined up for the shelves to be able to go in straight, we’d put the bloomin middle plank in the wrong way round. At this point I would like to add that the Hedgehog in our marriage lost it…the Rhino (me) milked it and stayed patronisingly calm much to the Hedgehog’s annoyance. After a cuppa and a segment of galaxy chocolate (we are on war rations) we worked out how we could get the middle plank turned around causing least amount of damage.
Instructions said it would take 2 people 3 hours to build…Eaton time – 6hrs. The beast is now fully operational despite 3 screws still on order (?!).
So there you have it. If you ever need something building, fixing, putting together, don’t call us….please…our marriage depends on it!
georgeaton 